today i’d like to add yet another dimension to this blog (i know i know, just make up your mind already). but seriously, this has been weighing heavily on my heart and i felt the need to share. i’ve debated posting this for fear of it being misunderstood and taken the wrong way by the people around me. i’d like to offer this not as a criticism, but as an apology for failing to see how beautiful each of you truly are.
over the past few months, i have allowed negativity to shape who i am. i have become consumed by the idea that nothing will ever be as perfect as i want it to be so why even bother. from my college decision, to my sorority, to my grades, to even the cleanliness of my dorm, i’ve become complacent and quite frankly lacked my usual spark.
the moment i was born, God placed a love in my heart for every single person on this planet. i am simply not a hateful person. i don’t have it in me to hold grudges or treat someone the way they treat me. i let the world tell me that this was a weakness, that to be on top i had to claw my way up and only care about myself. the world taught me to see the ugly parts of everyone else because that’s what i saw in myself. my rose-colored glasses were ripped off and i was disappointed in everything i saw, especially when i looked inside myself. instead of dealing with it, i turned it outward and tried to make everyone else seem as bad as i felt.
over time, this negativity began to take over every part of my life. i’ll be the first to admit that i’ve been irritable, distrustful, and at times rude. i have failed to see the beauty in the world around me.
but this weekend, spending time with my sisters at a retreat and seeing how kind and gentle those around me can be, being welcomed with open arms despite my negativity, continually being built up even when i try my hardest to stay down, i remembered something that i seemed to have forgotten since my time in the “real world” began: if all you see in those around you is flaws, the problem is not with them but within yourself. i have created a problem in my mind that does not exist in reality. i have chosen to see only the bad in those around me, rather than take it in stride in order to see all the amazing good inside them. i have missed the big kindnesses because i was too focused on the small assumptions.
once i opened myself up to those around me and saw them for who they are rather than who i perceived them to be, my whole world was flipped upside down. i was overwhelmed by the kindness and love that surrounds me. i had become so selfish that i wouldn’t allow anyone to impact my life. i didn’t want to let the bad in so i refused to let anything in, even the good.
today, i’m putting my rose-colored glasses back on. call it naïveté, call it childish, but i simply call it optimism. today and every day from now on, i choose to see the good in everything around me, the beauty and love that are a reflection of God shining through us. i choose to accept the bad, but cherish the good. it’s cliche to say attitude is everything, but the way you approach things really does affect the way you see the world and the way you react to it. the only way we can react with love is to approach others with a loving attitude.
i’m not saying that my life is suddenly perfect or that i’m ignoring the bad in the world altogether. i’m just choosing to accept the flaws and focus on the good. i’m choosing to love and let myself be loved without reservation or judgement. i’m choosing to let grace lead my thoughts and actions. i’m choosing to see myself and others as God sees us: as beautiful creatures made in His image and worthy of the greatest love ever known.